Assigned Blog Post #5: Child

Prompt: Copy the style of Jamaica Kinkaid’s “Girl” and title your piece similarly (e.g. Boy, Kid, Gal, etc.) What kind of directions can you give? What are the do’s and don’t's of being a “girl” (kid, boy, man, boss, etc.)? If you’d like, write this in the voice of your Carrillon Point character. Due by next Monday, October 11th.

Child

Brush your teeth in the morning after you wake up; brush your teeth in the night before you go to bed; brush them up-and-down, left-to-right, criss-cross; don’t slurp your soup so loudly; say “please” when you want something and “thank you” when you get it; don’t doodle on all you’re your things—keep them clean; tread lightly when you walk, because your stomping disturbs the neighbors and the home below us; wash your hands for a minute before you eat; did you really push little Emily during recess?; put your feet on the ground when you sit, not resting on another chair, like a lazy bum sleeping out on the streets; wipe your mouth on a napkin after you’re done eating; don’t push Emily again; smile and try to pay attention when your teacher is talking to you—don’t be drawing on your papers; don’t tip your chair back like that, or someday you’ll fall and split your head open; but Emily pushed me first, for no good reason; don’t talk back; don’t cry; don’t snivel; don’t protest in that manner; do as you’re told—I know better; this is how to get up after you’ve fallen; this is how to rub in iodine solution to clean scrapes; this is how to put a bandage on your shameful knees so that it won’t peel off when you’re out running like a hooligan again; this is how to sit down and study; this is how to keep track of time while you test, so you finish and don’t fail and get rejected from college, like the ne’er-do-well you would be by now if it weren’t for me; this is how you erase those ridiculous drawings in the back of your book in case your teacher sees; this is how you keep your things smart and neat—plain and professional, because your doodles make you look uneducated and bored; this is how you make a reputation for yourself; this is how you do well in school; this is how you keep your 4.0; this is how you network; this is how you laugh when things get awkward; this is how you laugh when you’re happy; this is how you laugh when you really want to cry; this is how to look educated; this is how to look professional; this is how to feel professional; this is how to hide how you feel when you think you’ve been betrayed; this is how to get over it; this is how to work your internship at the laboratory so that they don’t see the lazy, doodling idiot you are inside; be sure you don’t draw on any of your important papers—and if you do be sure to start everything over; quit wasting your time on drawing these useless things—you’re not very good, honestly; quit applying for art scholarships—you’re not studying art; don’t start studying art, because it’s too late and you’re too far behind the real art students; this is how to apply to merit scholarships; this is how to write appealing essays; this is how to present yourself; this is how to present your goals; this is how to rewrite them if they don’t look quite right; this is how to deal with it if you still don’t like what your goals are; this is how to apply to college so you’ll get in for sure; this is how you apply to medical school; this is how you apply to law school if you change your mind, though medical school is better; this is how to work a regular life to pay for medical school; this is how to call out sick if you can’t work it; this is how to study your heart out once you get into medical school; but what if I don’t get into medical school?; so after all this time and work, are you really still bent on becoming one of those emotional, doodling bums sitting on the streets?