Post Story Depression

I think I have a severe case of Post Story Depression.

Whenever I finish a story, I find myself getting seriously disappointed, bored, and overall dissatisfied with myself.


Don't get me wrong, I love stories. And it's great that stories are everywhere--there are stories hidden in every book I read, every picture I see, every song I hear, every movie I watch. And I love all of them. Reading a book totally absorbs all of my attention, and if I'm not finished with a story, I will think about it ALL THE TIME UNTIL I"M FINISHED. I associate a lot of the pictures I draw or see with stories. I imagine places, moods, tones, hopes--all a whole separate galaxy away from where we are. I hear a song and imagine the heartbreak, or whatever the song's about. I watch a movie...and....well the story's clearly laid out there.

Imagining all these things takes up almost all of my time, it's why I'm fine with just sitting and doing nothing for hours, it's why I never end up going to bed on time, and if I do get into bed on time, it's why i still don't end up falling asleep until three in the morning. And for a while, when I'm imagining things, I feel like I'm actually there, my mind is in an entirely different place from my body.

But when I'm done reading, or I finish my picture, or the song ends, or the credits roll up the theatre screen, I get snapped back into reality. And I sort of look around, wondering, why am I here?

Why can't I be somewhere else?

I go to school in the morning for the next several days, and on the car ride there I think about how I always seem to go to school, come back home, eat, wish, and sleep. In contrast, somewhere in the Potterverse Voldemort blows up Hogwarts and Harry saves the day. Somewhere in another galaxy, you can fly your pet whale to the moon. Somewhere in an alternate dimension, Sailor Moon is righting wrongs and fighting evil, because in the name of the moon, she shall punish you (if you're the bad guy, of course)!

But i'm not Somewhere. I'm Here--in my car, on the way to school. I'm at my locker, checking to see if Peter ate one of my ClifBars, AGAIN. I'm in class, looking at the room and keeping myself from sleeping by watching other people sleep. I'm back in the car, thinking about how once again, school has passed with no Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes, no flying whales, no Sailor Moon vs. Queen Nehellenia action. Soon the day's over. And soon, I'll flip through the calendar and realize that a lot of days have passed that way.

But I also wonder, if I were given the opportunity for....something else, would I give up everything around me right now?

I don't think so. I'm hoping that I'm just missing the big picture. Because there's still a lot of times I'm glad that I am where I am. Instead of being part of a single story, I can enjoy millions of stories. Maybe after thinking about each and every story I feel a little crestfallen, but knowing about them is still wonderful. Maybe one day I'll look back and realize that I've really been part of one huge story, more complicated and worth it than the one's I've been jealous of this whole time.